Quit Complaining!

We all know that things don't always go the way we want or expect them to go. Plan as we might, practice as we might, sometimes things just don't go our way.
When circumstances take twists and turns we can't predict, we often feel discouraged. We feel a right to complain.

But complaining produces a negative mindset. It forces us to unwittingly dwell on what's wrong in our lives instead of focusing on what we can change or do to make things right.

When something goes differently than we had planned or when something that's difficult pops up unexpectedly, we should allow ourselves to feel the confusion, anger, or whatever other emotion comes along as a result. We should also allow ourselves to vent our feelings to only one person who will not judge or condemn but who will just listen--someone who knows and understands that you are releasing frustration, that you are venting.

But once you have vented, prevent yourself from dwelling on the thing that caused the negative emotion by not complaining. When you complain, you tell several people over and over about what went wrong. Your mind is focused on the horrible thing. You might bring others down by your complaining. You will definitely bring yourself down.

Instead, after you allow yourself to vent about the situation, allow yourself to pick up the pieces and see where you can go from where you are. What can you do to make things better? How can you respond so that meeting your main priority is still your focus? Think about things that have gone right in your life. Appreciate what you have been able to achieve so far.

By asking yourself questions and remembering past positive moments, your mind accepts what has just happened and moves on to what will happen next. It uses the lessons you just learned as corrective feedback to help you stay on track with your goal or to help you determine a new one.

So go ahead and vent, but quit complaining. You will be in a much better position to handle things when they don't go your way .

Author: Sheila Cohill

Good Wishes For Our Enemies


Wishing our enemies good fortune – it doesn't sound logical. But if we think about why our enemies are our enemies, it's easy to figure out that if they were in a better place, we would have less of them in our lives.
Here are examples of enemies that supply us with our daily dose of grief, and how wishing them well would be the best for us:

1. The Envious

These are our neighbors, co-workers, and acquaintances who come close to coveting everything we own. They're not necessarily under-privileged, they just have this compulsion to look over the fence and believe that the grass is always greener at our side. They become our enemies when they bad-mouth us, undermine our efforts to succeed, or literally get in the way of our paths to achieving our personal goals.

Our natural reaction is tit-for-tat: to equally bad-mouth them, undermine their efforts to succeed, and get in the way of their reaching their goals. The vicious cycle feeds the "we're enemies" atmosphere, and counter productivity prevails all around and all the time.

An option worth considering is the "good wishes strategy." If we wish these envious folks something to be proud of, like a promotion, a lottery win, or success in their personal endeavors, they will realize that they are better off than we are, which will make them friendly towards us, the "less" fortunate. If we can help them become more successful, we not only make new friends, we also help improve the quality of life around us.

2. The Intruder

We all have our own versions of the intruder stereotype in our lives. These could be our in-laws, ex-spouses, step-relatives, nosy neighbors, and fair-weather friends. They enjoy meddling in your affairs, throwing us off our game plan, distracting us from our dreams.

Instead of the natural reaction to contradict, reject, and wage war on these intruders, how about praying for all good things to happen to them? Not in a million years? Well, consider this: if your in-laws found a good retirement community in Miami, if your ex finally hooked up with her long-lost soul mate, if your mean step-son found a high-paying job in Alaska, if your nosy neighbors and fair-weather friends became rich and successful enough to move to the big city, wouldn't your life be more peaceful?

3. The Angry-Because-It's-Half-Empty

They say that we should stay away from loud, aggressive, and negative-minded people because they ruin our day, dampen our spirits, and skew our perspectives with their constant "life-sucks-the-sky-is-falling-we'll-never-make-it" attitude. They are the natural enemies of our health and happiness.

We meet these people everyday: the reckless driver, the hotheaded screaming boss, the nasty goons down the block, and the vicious malicious stranger, acquaintance, or customer.

It's so easy to raise an argument, scream a fit, or swing a fist. But that would only put us in the same grief and misery they're in. So, how do we wish them well? By walking away and secretly wishing that they see the folly of their ways, that they run into loving partners and meaningful jobs, and that they find themselves in countless experiences that prove to them that life isn't all bad.

When I think about it, we wish ourselves, our friends and loved ones all the good things in life so that we can all be happy. If we wish the same good things to our enemies, they, too, can be happy, and either find their own distant paths or walk with us as our friends.

When Life Doesn't Make Sense


Logic -- we're taught to use logic in dealing with the challenges of life. Mr. Spock, our Star Trek Vulcan idol, teaches us the power of logic in handling dilemmas of galactic proportions; Sherlock Holmes relies on the stream of logical deductions to solve mysteries and crimes, not to mention the long list of famous philosophers who taught us to compute, deduce, strategize, and organize. Logic, then, must be an excellent tool in life.
But what if the challenge we face literally defies logic? What if life just doesn't make any sense? I'm sure you've been in this situation some time or another -- during your adolescent years, when you first fell in love, when your parents broke up, when you quit your job, when your son died -- when the whole world simply "does not compute". What do you do?

Trust your heart.

Life will always be plagued with "What if?" It's partner question: "I wonder if...?" And more often than not, the answer is "Your guess is as good as mine." How nice it would be if we could all just rely on logic when we wonder about what we could've, should've, or would've done in the past. How easy it would be if we could simply "compute" to know what lies in the future. Life would be so simple.

But such is not the case. We wonder if we've done our best for our children, and imagine if they will be happy the rest of their lives. We ask ourselves if we are making the right decisions in moving to another town, another job, another partner in life. We stay awake at night wondering if the persons we care for love us as much as we love them.

How can we stop wondering and asking? Maybe someday the answers and solutions will present themselves. But for the time there are no definite responses, the answers will have to come from your heart.

Feel with your heart.

The heart has no eyes, ears, nose, tongue, or skin -- no physical sensors to discriminate the ugly, loud, pungent, bitter, or prickly. It doesn't know how to count. It doesn't recognize time or space. It has a world of its own -- a sensitivity to the rhythm of the universe. It has its own language of values, emotions, and primal synchronicity. It is oblivious to logic.

Take time to listen to your heart. When the answers do not come to you in words, when solutions do not appear to you in the physical world, go inside you and listen to your heart. Feel with your heart. Then you'll know. And suddenly life will make sense.

Acceptance

Some people refuse to accept things as they are. That’s good!
Some people accept things just as they are. That’s good, too!

What? How can refusing to accept things and accepting things both be good?

It depends on your views of what is good or not good for you to accept. In other words, it is important for you to examine what is going on in your life and determine for yourself what is or is not acceptable to you. It is not only within your power to do so; it is part of your responsibility to yourself to do so.

For example, suppose you are in a romantic relationship with a particular person. You buy this person gifts, cook gourmet meals for him or her, and surprise the person with romantic gestures. The person offers nothing in his or her own behavior to show appreciation for your consideration and generosity. Instead of trying to surprise you with a gesture or gift in return, he or she smiles and thanks you and takes and takes and takes all you offer. Why shouldn’t he or she? You’re offering it.

You might think that expecting something from this person in return is selfish of you or indicates that you do not love this person unconditionally, so you continue the relationship in the hope that the more you give, the more the other person will see and appreciate your love. And as time goes by, the person keeps taking and taking and taking while you keep giving and giving and giving. Your needs go unmet. You tell yourself you don’t mind because you are sacrificing in the name of love.

This example might oversimplify the dynamics of a relationship, but in general, a person like this, who takes without giving, is a difficult person to stay in a relationship with simply because relating involves giving and taking. How much more will you give until you refuse to accept the relationship as it is? How long will it be before you grow enough to realize that a loving relationship involves two people who are both mature enough to respect each other’s as well as their own needs?

Refusing to accept things in your life can bring on many perplexing yet necessary decisions. But without facing those challenges, you will be left feeling defeated by circumstances (but actually being defeated by your own choices) instead of being uplifted by your choices.

Going back to the example, refusing to accept the relationship as it is prompts you to examine yourself, the other person, and how you relate. If you are ready to grow, you will find solutions that are right for you. It might involve ending the relationship, redefining it, or reshaping it. How much effort will you or your partner be willing to put into improving the relationship? If your partner refuses to change his or her behavior, that’s something you need to accept because you cannot change another person’s behavior. That doesn’t mean you must accept the relationship as it is. You can change your own behavior. You can continue to see the person without giving so much. You can stop seeing the person. The decisions regarding what you will or will not accept are yours to make.

On the other hand, suppose you are romantically involved with a person who reciprocates every kindness and generosity you demonstrate with a similar act, not out of a sense of duty or obligation, but from a place of appreciation. You delight in each other’s words and behavior. He or she meets your needs, and you meet his or hers. What effort it takes to build and maintain the relationship comes readily and naturally from a foundation of respect, trust, and commitment to creating and preserving a good relationship. You can’t imagine refusing to accept the way things are in this relationship. You accept it all gratefully and graciously.

Remember that you are the one who can accept or reject an idea, a circumstance, or a relationship. It might be a romantic situation, a job situation, or even a seemingly trivial incident that occurs during a quick jaunt to a convenience store. Whatever the thing, remember your personal power to accept or refuse to accept certain events or behaviors (your own or another’s) in your life.

Apply your critical skills. The more you do, the sharper they become.

Look at things as objectively as possible. What are you doing to promote a negative situation? Stop doing it. Yes, just stop! What are you doing to promote a positive situation? Keep up the good work! Work? Yeah, maybe, but the payoff’s worth the work.

When you recognize the power you have to accept or reject things in your life, you recognize the control and responsibility you have in determining your own fate. Make your daily existence worth every minute—learn to accept or reject discriminately.

How To Panic More Efficiently At Crunch Time

The situation is familiar – deadlines loom, time runs out, mayhem and confusion fills the day. The feeling is just as familiar – your glands squeeze adrenaline into your system giving you an acidic twinge in the stomach, a slightly faster heart rate, and shortness of breath. Yes, it's panic time.

It's too late to kick yourself with "I should've started on this sooner" or "It was a mistake to commit to this ridiculously tight deadline." The only thing left to do is deal with the situation.

Here are some of my personal strategies for how to panic more efficiently at crunch time:

Focus. Panic happens when you're on an overload – too many things to do, too much pressure, too little time. But if you zero in on the tasks that you need to take care of, and line them up in a logical list, you can have better control of an otherwise highly stressful and wild situation. Prioritize, and concentrate.

Eliminate distractions. Time wasters and non-essential activities are the last things you need at crunch time. Let the answering machine handle your calls. Check your e-mail less often. Forget about cooking a fancy lunch. Do the laundry tomorrow. Let everyone know you're on panic mode and should not be disturbed unless it's an emergency.

Watch your time. Don’t be too engrossed on one detail that you compromise your timing for the other important details. Mind the time and resolve each task so that you can address all of the required activities sufficiently.

Act more efficiently. This is the best way to take advantage of that adrenaline surge. Adrenaline gives you the power to think sharper, move faster, and be stronger overall for that primordial human instinct-in-the-face-of-danger called "fight or flee." You have the juices in your bloodstream – use it!

Breathe. A dreadful situation sometimes becomes more terrifying when you forget to breathe. Stand up, stretch, walk a few steps, get yourself a drink. Clear your head for a few minutes and return to the task at hand with a fresher, brighter perspective. This will help keep your efficiency high.

Try to resolve the situation quickly. Never panic for extended periods of time – your body can only take so much adrenaline, after which, you will be totally wasted and entirely unproductive. Then things will catch up on you and send you into another panic mode and ultimately into a nervous breakdown. Resolve a panic situation as promptly as you can so that you can rest and fully recharge for the next crunch time.

21 Things To Remember

1. No one can ruin your day without YOUR permission.
2. Most people will be about as happy, as they decide to be.
3. Others can stop you temporarily, but only you can do it permanently.
4. Whatever you are willing to put up with, is exactly what you will have.
5. Success stops when you do.
6. When your ship comes in.... make sure you are willing to unload it.
7. You will never "have it all together."
8. Life is a journey...not a destination. Enjoy the trip!
9. The biggest lie on the planet: "When I get what I want, I will be happy."
10. The best way to escape your problem is to solve it.
11. I've learned that ultimately, 'takers' lose and 'givers' win.
12. Life's precious moments don't have value, unless they are shared.
13. If you don't start, it's certain you won't arrive.
14. We often fear the thing we want the most.
15. He or she who laughs......lasts.
16. Yesterday was the deadline for all complaints.
17. Look for opportunities...not guarantees.
18. Life is what's coming....not what was.
19. Success is getting up one more time.
20. Now is the most interesting time of all.
21. When things go wrong.....don't go with them.

7 Strategies to Feel Good About Life

by Kathy Gates

While most of us have heard the urban phrase, "Life’s a drag and then you die", (yeah, I cleaned that up a bit!), I find that most people don’t really want to believe that.

And it’s true. While off course we all have difficult times in our lives, overall life was not designed to be struggled through.

Feeling good about your life involves just two parts. One is to learn to think about yourself in healthy ways. This is a learned skill, ladies and gentlemen, not something that a lucky few were born with. If you weren’t given the gift of self confidence and self esteem as a child, it’s up to you to manufacture it as an adult. This is a skill, not a talent.

The second part of feeling good about your life involves making things happen. That the opposite of giving your life over to circumstance. If you want something, set things into motion to make it happen - from losing weight to getting the perfect job - it’s all in your hands.

Are you feeling like life’s a struggle? Try these seven tips to help you feel good about life again.

1. Never stop questioning - how can I do this better, faster, easier, simpler? Get interested and curious about yourself and about others.

2. Accept your weakness. Everybody has weaknesses. Instead of spending your time and energy trying to "overcome", accept it, don’t make excuses for it, and find ways to make it work for you.

3. Always keep learning. The brain is a muscle just like any other, and it will stagnate if you let it. Learn something new every day.

4. Expect nothing; expect the best. Paradox? No. It just means that you don’t want to miss out on what’s wonderful in your life right now, while you spending all your time peeking around the next corner.

5. Plant the "seeds" that you want to grow. Many people are (figuratively) wondering where the roses are in their life, yet they spend all their time sowing corn. You reap what you sow. That’s just the way it is.

6. Swim with the current. Accept life. There are lots of things you can’t control. Don’t waste your time complaining about what you can’t control - the weather, the economy, other people. Do accept those things and work within the circle that is within your control.

7. Don’t wimp out. When the going gets tough -- and it will -- keep your head up and keep moving. Nobody ever won a race by quitting.

Choosing Words & Thoughts to Create to Success
By Dr. Annette Colby, RD

Did you know that you can increase your ability to be successful by consciously choosing the right words? It's true! Let's say you're motivated, excited even, to create change in your life. You've even gone so far as to put your well-formed goals down in writing. From there, you've determined your first steps to begin the process of changing your eating habits and exercising more. You've got enormous enthusiasm and know exactly what is it you're going to do. You choose your goal for tomorrow, and then inadvertently cripple your success before you even start. You say, 'I'll try.'

What does, 'I'll try' mean? It means you've given yourself an out. Should some obstacle surface, you now have a built in escape route that gets you off the hook. The word presupposes failure. It lacks intention and confidence. You are sowing doubt in your own mind. It says, 'Alright, I'll give it a go, but I can't really see it working out.'

Now observe what it feels like to say, 'I am'. For example, 'I am now committed to feeling good by honoring my decision to walk 20 minutes today.' If it doesn't feel right, then you've selected a goal that is something other than your natural first step. Back up and find the action step you are ready to undertake. It doesn't matter how small and insignificant it may seem at the time. You're better off starting with something teeny-tiny and achieving success, than starting with something you already know you're not ready for. The wise Lao-Tzu once stated, 'A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.' Confucius pronounced, 'It does not matter how slowly you go so long as you do not stop.' Make sure you are able to complete your first step.

Perhaps having revised you initial starting point, again notice what it feels like to say, 'I am now . . .' This phrase directs you and says that you have power and intention. It says that you believe in what you are saying and you will find a way to make it happen. You've made a commitment to yourself that you've chosen to honor. It says that you will find a way to get it done even if things get in the way. It means that even if difficulties pop up, you'll find some way to stick to your intent.

Once you find a plan of action that seems doable, forget trying to do it. To try to do something is to NOT do it. Instead, declare whole-heartedly, I am now achieveing this!

Make your success inevitable.

What If?


What if? Boy oh boy, these are two very powerful words to be sure. After all, how many times have we said to ourselves, “What if I did this … or what if I did that?” Way too many times. What if I took I chance? What if I laid it all on the line? What if I lost it all? There sure seems like there are a lot of “what ifs” in life, doesn’t it?



Have you ever been guilty of stopping yourself cold in your tracks by silently worrying about the possible disaster that might befall you if you happen to slip up and make a mistake - instead of looking for the gold at the end of the rainbow? Of course you have. We all have. How many times have you slowed yourself up or slowed yourself down by cautiously looking at life as a half empty glass instead of living life as it should be lived - at full throttle with nothing held back? Probably too many to count.



What kind of life could all of us live if we stopped “iffing” our lives away? What kind of dreams could we realize if we dared to boldly live each day as if it were our last, instead of just another day of the week? Could our lives take on more meaning, more purpose and more passion if we vowed to make every minute count? You already know the answer.



What if? Then why not?

Today Is the Best Day of Your Life.


I’ve got some great news to share with you. Ready? OK, here goes. Today will be the absolute best day of your entire life. That's right, there's no doubt about it – today is going to be your best day ever! How in the world can I sit here and make such a wild prognostication? Because I know that today is the only day of your life.



While each of us can fondly remember the good times we have enjoyed in the past, we must come to grips with the stark reality that yesterday is gone for good. By the same token, tomorrow is never promised to any of us. All of us, each and every one of us, live in the present – right here and right now. That is precisely why today is the day - the best day - the one and only day that counts.



Does that mean you should forget about your past? No way. Champions are renown for their capacity to glean valuable lessons and garner significant insight from their past experiences. Hey, it’s perfectly OK to fondly reminisce about pleasant memories and to rekindle and relive some of those past magical moments. Your past has been and always will be your best teacher. The key is to never remain in the past. Today is the magic day – it holds the key to your success.



For just a moment, I would like you to leap ahead in your mind and visualize what your life will be like one year from today, five years from today and even ten years from today. How does this picture look?



Are you where you’ve always wanted to be in life, doing what you have always wanted to do or alternatively, are you merely 1, 5 or 10 years older but no closer to obtaining your goals? Getting older but failing to get better won’t get you where you want to go.



How would it feel to be able to actually "script" your life from this point forward? What heights could you attain if each today was better than the day before? Can you possibly imagine how good it would feel to have your dreams of a better, more fulfilling and rewarding life become a reality – today?



You can most certainly have everything and do anything you truly want in life when you are willing to enjoy one remarkable today after another … everyday of your life. The real winners realize that today is the best place to start living the lives they have always imagined. Come to think of it, it's the only place to start.



Here’s wishing you a power packed day, every day, all day long.

The Five Roads to Meet Yourself
by Ivan H. Meyer, Ph.D.

1. Don't compete with people.

If you compete with people than you will never realise your full potential.
Compete with your own inner strength and determination, because this will allow you to continuously grow and develop.
If you compete with people you may compete with less than your real talent.
The test is to develop a personal vision statement and use this as the source of your competition. A vision is your dream your desired future. I have developed a personal vision, mission, goals and have since developed a competition within myself to fulfill my vision.

2. Develop a mental success of yourself.

If you create a mental success than you have achieved 80% success.
Many people reject themselves.
Some people go to the shop and spend a lot of money on new clothes, just to go home, dress up, look in the mirror and say to themselves: " I don't look good in this dress!" What a pity that people spend money to reject themselves.
Be happy about yourself! Show it openly, without carrying a bag of arrogance.
Creating a positive self-image of myself has changed my life tremendously.
If people see that you are a person of self respect than you have shaped a public opinion of yourself.
If you have a negative opinion of yourself than you must not expect others to have a positive view of you.
Develop a positive view of yourself.

3. I am an original person.

There are 6 billion people on this planet and no one has the same fingerprint like mine. This is enough empirical proof that I am an original person, therefore I act and behave like an original person.
Leo has taught us not be photocopies of other people.
It is really sad to see how people have given up themselves and day dream to become like somebody else. Isn't it sad.
People reject themselves without even discovering the real "me."
I am happy God created me in his own image.
He made me so special that I have a burning desire to be special.
I am no ordinary person and therefore I am not going to disappoint my Creator.

4. Always respect people.

Develop a genuine interest in people.
You will not die if you show a genuine interest in people.
Find out more about themselves, their families and make time to visit them.
This is the greatest value Dr Buscaglia has taught us:

Respect Human Beings. Don't hurt them.

5. Finally enjoy life and remain human.

There is nothing more exciting than being a human being.
Enjoy it while you can.
Don't make your life miserable and complicated. If you fail today don't give up.
Failing is a very normal part of being human. Try to fail forward.
I am not afraid of failing forward.

Learn the Joy of the Moment
by Leo Buscaglia, Ph.D.


Freud said a lost of really nice things and one thing that he said was so many of our problems and our inability to live stem from the belief and we will never die. We think we have forever. If you thing about it in the back of your mind, you always think it's the other person who dies, not you. Well I have news for you, We are all going to die! The is the most democratic thing that has ever happened. No matter who you are, how wealthy you are, how illustrious you are, how many degrees you have, how fouled up you've made your life, how beautiful you've made your life, you're going to die.

But why fear it? You only fear death when you're not living. If you're involved in the process of life, you won't wail and scream. If you've treated people in your life beautifully while they were alive, you will not throw yourself over thief caskets screaming, "Don't go, Don't Go!" For goodness sakes! We don't even let people die in dignity. We let them die guilty by screaming, "Oh, please don't die."

What a weird concept we have of death. We don't want to take children to funerals. Some of you had it explained that everything dies as flowers die in winter and then grow again. Death is a continuous beautiful process of life. Then when you've seen it, you don't fear it, Death is a good friend, an awfully good friend, because it tells us we don't have forever and that to live is now; therefore, you see how precious every minute is. We read it and say, "oh yes, that's so true." But do we live that way? How wonderful it is to be with the moment when you see a flower. When somebody is talking to you, for goodness sake, listen and don't look over a shoulder at wheat else is going on. Cocktail time. There's no greater insult. If you don't want to be with me, don't be with me! That's all right, I can adjust to that. But if you are going to be with me, will you be with me? You say, I am going to look at the ocean." Do you look at the ocean? "Oh, isn't that a beautiful sunset." Do you mean it, do you see it, do you recognize it will never come again?

Death teaches us--if we want to hear--that the time is now. The time is now to pick up a telephone and call the person that you love. Death teaches us the joy of the moment. It teaches us we don't have forever. If teaches us that nothing is permanent, It teaches us to let go, there's nothing you can hang on to. And it tells us to give up on expectations and let tomorrow tell its own story, because nobody knows if they'll get home tonight. To me that's a tremendous challenge. Death says, "Live now."